SICK SICK SICK of...

Completely sick of:

-Movie trailers that show to much
-Movie trailers that are the best part of the movie
-ANY Kardashian
-ANY Lohan
-ANY Hilton including Perez
-Rush Limbaugh, drag addled hate monger!
-Glen Beck hate addled drug monger!
-Sarah effin Palin (the Hilton sister of politics)
-KKKers thinly disguised as Right Wingnuts
-Business as Usual
-Corporatism
-Disney Hellspawn
-Big budget movies that suck
-Pop music doeeyed investment twinks and twats
-GMO food...COME ON! I don't care about spots on my apples leave me the birds and the bees, please!
-Jay and Conan...fire em both and give Lewis Black the job!
-Don't Ask – Don't Tell...die for your country but have no validation as a citizen.
-Marriage bans – How the hell gays gonna eff up marriage any more than it already is?!
-Deadly overdoses of talented folks because of doctors and pharmacists than have no talent.
-The wealthy. I think the French had the right idea with Marie Antoinette.
-Speeches. STFU and get the damn job done.
-Cable TV monopolies Why do I pay so much to get the same shows on three different channels?
-Taking it. Something has GOT to give.
-Bitching. Gripe gripe gripe...action action we want action! SOMEONE make a damn suggestion.
-Two party system.
-Stupid citizens. Come on now. WE KNOW BETTER NOW! Quit with this peasant mentality and devotion to the man.
-Christian Right aka American Jihad(ist) Al Quaidettes. Seriously...is hanging any better than beheading?
-Closeted lying perverted selfloathing family ruining hypocritical preachers and politicians.
-Bills! FOR SUCKS SAKE! Why is EVERYTHING except drivethru food so damn expensive?!
-Utility companies! Where is my solar panel house? My uberdish? My clean water.
-Water. We can send a man to the moon but we can't figure out clean water?
-Waiting. For promises to long standing unfulfilled.
-Bullshit. Why does a hybrid get you four more miles per gallons but costs twice as much as the comparable car?
-Cash for Gold. I KNOW IT'S YOU AGI scooping up the only valuable thing left in the USA.
-Propaganda. Between Homeland Security. political talking points, and the cost of living I feel like I am in 70's era Russia!
-The Federal Reserve – federally sanctioned corporate communism
-The Electoral College. The hell?
-Voting booths. They eff up the counts and steal elections anyway so why can't I vote over the internet?
-Internet mystery – When did the web shrink to just FaceBook, YouTube and TMZ?
-Effin commercials! I watched an episode of Project Runway the other night 11 DAMN COMMERCIALS in one break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Pizza – yep – sad day.
-Tuition! How the hell is anyone supposed to better themselves when college costs a katrillion semolians?
-Zero tolerance laws/rules/regulations. Just stop. Each case is different. Don't be lazy.
-Drivers who blink their lights at you to get over when you are doing eighty, then pass then get in front of you and go 75 the hell.
-War. Seriously.
-Political correctness – There is nothing correct about politics so just say what you mean and mean what you say so we can all tell how big of an ahole you are.
-Reality shows. The kind that are like...suck. ANYTHING Celebrity, anything socialite, anything involving effing 20somethings behaving like 9yearolds off their meds. And nothing involving people with more than 7 kids period. Reality shows that are contests of actual skill or talent can stay.
-Rich white people who think they know what the impoverished need.
-Indentured slavery. How am I not indentured when I look at my net vs. gross pay, followed by my mortgage, car note and utility bills?
-Celebrity. It has replaced religion as the opiate for the masses.
-Crack phones. COME ON!
-SUVs. To much gas, to much pollution, to much soccer moms who can't see over the steering wheel.
-Same-stores-on-every-cornerism: Lowes, Home Depot, Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, WalMart, Target, Carrabbas, Applebees, TGIFridays, Olive Garden, Barnes & Nobles, Staples, Sleepy's, Best Buy, ToysRUs, Old Navy, etc. Want to save the country? BUY LOCAL – Mom and Pop operations!
-Processed foods. SOMEONE pass a law that everyone gets the time to cook dinner and prepare a breakfast!
-Drivethru a/k/a instapoo foods.
-Saggers. It's over...it's time...tighten that shit up. Bet some clothes that fit. Really it was cool 15 years ago.
-Emo. Not the fashion...the feeling. Ya know whats really good for teenage blues? GO OUT AND HAVE SOME DAMN FUN! Nothing pisses off adults more than kids behaving like kids

Things to Do

• Some easy things anyone can do to make life better for everyone: 
  STFU: Obvious I know but just consider it every now and then. Especially when you feel that gnawing moment of "should I STFU now?? You should.
• Eat your veggies.
• Don't' believe the hype: When it comes to advertisements of any kind - be doubtful. If the product was so great they would not have to spend so much convincing you to buy it.
• Think: I know it's hard and we are all so out of practice but give it a try. Don't believe everything you read or see or hear your leaders or politicians say. Think. Reason. Sort it out for yourself. Give yourself permission to be more than cattle.
• Flush the damn toilet. I mean if you cant even get this one down. If the toilet fails to flush - tell someone. Dun leave it there. HOW HARD IS IT?
• Oh, and wipe up those giant puddles you leave on the sink counter. 
• Don't punch. If you have to punch over it, it is not worth it. Unless you are defending yourself to save your own life or someone else's. Don't punch.
• Practice not being first all the time. Let the car behind you pass - especially if you yourself are in the passing lane and not going the speed limit. Just move over. You will likely catch up with them at the next traffic light and enjoy the smug satisfaction.
• Guy or girl trying to pass the person in the above bullet. OMG would you CHILL already? Relax. You do know the traffic report is chock full of people who think they know how to drive and would never get in an accident don't you. Relax. You're bringing everyone down.
• Be nice. Just do it. Quit practicing rolling your eyes and practice smiling.
• Mind your business. If you believe some way and someone else believes differently...mind your business. Unless it really effects you. REALLY effects you///Other people's religions, relationships, political leanings, lifestyles, etc. How much do these things effect you? If they come to you door asking for the same rights as you - let em have it. If they come to your door taking your rights then fight. This may require the mix of STFU and Don't Punch. And be nice. Do you really believe what you say or are you not thinking and being a dick?
• Don't litter. JUST DON'T LITTER! How effing hard is this one? Gosh! 
  Don't beat on people you love period. Not your kids not your spouse not your family. If you cannot be in a relationship without hitting someone - Be a loner. Immediately.
• Do not rely on other people's assets to accommodate your defects - In other words it is not fair that to assume everyone is going to be tolerant of what a hole you are. I am talking to the one person at work who gets to be a jerk and it's everyone else's job to raise above. When you do get called on your shyte, man or woman up and grow. Believe me - we ARE running out of patience with you. 
• Eat less, move more. Just a tiny bit of both. If you are one of the people who do not need this one... refer to first bullet.
• Quit smoking - it IS killing you. And you are or will probably cost each of us more than the people on welfare once you take horribly sick, then the peeps on welfare that you bitch about. You will need to practice the THINK thing to add this one up. You do smell like a cigarette, everyone DOES know your smoking and it's about the dumbest addiciton there is. All the sick none of the high. 
• Don't drink and drive. Do not assume that you will have the where-with-all to decide if you are to drunk to drive when it comes time to make that decision - you will not. If you cant drink without driving then you shouldn't go or you shouldn't drive. its that simple. You do not have to be an alcoholic to kill someone drinking and driving. You also will sober up and have to live with the wreckage you caused. Just don't.
• To the politicians...Look at your wife or husband or daughter or best friend or someone who you do cherish and ask yourself if you would be happy if THEY were the ones to suffer the consequence of your actions before you make decisions that effect the people you don;t know. Like all of us.
• To the politicians...Quit running for office to get rich. Service is a noble thing. Stop giving it such a terrible name.
• To the News...call yourself something else if you are not going to report the truth - un-spun so we can spin it for ourselves. Call yourself...Newsaganda.
• To extremists like Rush and Michelle Bachman - quit hogging all the camera time so the world can see what this country is really about. please! You are making us look like the Jerry Springer Show. 
• To the filthy rich cororations. Please develop a conscience. We don't want  your damn money - we just want a life that is not fraught with the fear of  how  effed up you are making  it. We just want to own a home raise our kids eat every day - maybe find some releief when we get sick and watch some damn TV. Relax and have a heart K?
• Socialites and the people who give a crap what they are doing - stop. We need the room in the cultural landscape for things that matter mopre. Like anything else. 
  

Letters To an Unsuspecting World 1

Okay so I have not blogged in LONG time and the four people that read my blog deserve MORE! Maybe I am not as Kranky as I thought? Or maybe I am just lazy. Hmmmmm so yeah...

I think I shall try a new format I shall call Letters to an Unsuspecting World. Easier to do than explain but mostly letters to people, or things or other abstractions of my brainstuff for whom I do not have an address. Think "Dear Mother Nature", "Dear Lady Driver With a Cell Phone That Looked Like a Full-on Old School Phone Receiver, But Without the Curly Pigtail Wire" or "dear Newt Gingrich" HEY THERE"S A START!

Dear Newt Gingrich,

I been seeing you up and about again. I kinda thought you died or moved to Equador. All I ever hear from you is this spin that making everyone but you sound like a horseman of the apocalypse. You and your MY WAY  or perish crap. Here's a suggestion. STFU!  Your name literally means alcoholic miserable lizard. Which explains quite a bit. But shut the hell up anyway. We as a country are trying to evolve and move on from your kind of bullshyte that just doesn't have a place in the new and improved U S of rocking A!  So maybe you can just concede tot eh fact that the little cockney Geicko fellow is plenty of lizard for one country and just shut the hell up and go away. 

sincerely,

very

Mr. KP 

Things That Bug Me Inexplicably

So I think I am pretty self aware...and lots of things bug me for reasons. Such as Paris Hilton, she bugs me for a myriad of reasons, that she is famous bugs me more, yet here I am propelling that very fame....but I digress. Here I am going to post a list of things that bug me for reasons that escape me. If you think you know why then please enlighten me, perhaps then I can let them go! 

The animated lady one the Esurance commercials. Not the Avenger Agent pink haired lady but the regular one - that they show in reality then poof she gets "animated". Her animated figure just irks me. The bald guy on an earlier commercial...not so much at all. Dunno why. 

Messing with classic snack foods in general. I mean like peanut butter Oreos or Snickers Dark...Or worse these like fashionable silky metalic looking M&Ms - just leave them be. They're classics. They may very well be delicious even better then that classic I defend for some unknown reason...I just dun like it. Why do I care? 

The whole sanitizing products thing. What o I care if people want to buy useless gels and sprays and such and use them. I just dun like it. It represents commercial deceit of course but not as much as so many other things. I just hate them. And I wanna pee in the bottles my coworkers have on their desk. 

Actor James Woods - I just cant stand him and think he SUCKS as an actor - whole world disagrees - fook 'em - They wrong. 

EFF Sarah Palin and the GOP

Eff Sarah Palin! Eff Sarah Palin! EFF SARAH PALIN!! Are we effing kidding? Don't bring my preggers daughter into the public eye that is invasion of privacy! BUT LOOK! LOOK AT MY SON WHO IS THE ONLY SON OF A REPUBLICAN AT THE NATIONAL LEVEL WHO IS ENLISTED AND GOING TO IRAQ!!  Look at him! LOOK AT HIM! 

Say we elect 70 year old John McCain't possibly live through his term...70..sick..sorta vacant..will die from the damn pressure and then SARAH FUCKING PALIN IS THE PRESIDENT! Sarah Palin who couldn't raise higher than the office of mayor of the meth capital of the Alaska without getting her ass investigated for abuse of power! Who thought firing a librarian because she didnt suport her as mayor - in other words - take certain books off the shelves. WTF???? wtf wtf wtf wtf??? 

Am I dreaming this crap? Am I really laying in a coma somewhere and just imagining all this?? IS THIS AMERICA??? 

Does anyone feel ... when they hear oil companies are banging the biggest profits in history and greed is the only oil crisis that is driving up prices...while our monkey faced goon of a president and his oil rich family and the VP who STILL draws cash from his war contracting company (which is supposed to be against the damn law - when you assume the post of VP)...does anyone feel like these fuckers are doing to US..the USE exactly what they did when they collapsed the Soviet Union during the cold war? I feel like that! I feel like  we are being sold a complete dog and pony show..while they shake the god ol' US of A lie a junkie shaking an empty bag of DOPE! 

PATRIOISM!  Please...all you myopic black and/or female conservatives...I am not speaking to white male right wingers -  you just go fuck yourself - you are already gone in the head.the women...people of color. When you talk about my lack of patriotism because I dare to question the government. I am supposed to smile while they rape my ass lube free??? QUESTIONING THE GOVERNMENT is what makes a America...AMERICA! Land of the  FREE (thinking too)...Home of the brave (scary to think but it is our duty)...challenging citizens and and  our human rights policies. I know I Know...it's difficult to imagine America being more than a place you can drive a lexus and live in  6 br house with  your 3 br family both of which the bank really owns...but check it. WOMEN ALL OF YOU..PEOPLE OF COLOR AL OF YOU...you would not have the right to vote and Emancipation Proclamation might never have happened. Think of that when you hear RIGHT WING conservatives act like only a communist would dare question FOX News...Monkey George or anything they are up too.

As for our lovely human rights policies..half (and by half I mean .like...all) the people I know are wondering how to afford the gas they need to go to work.wtf? Are we going to wait to be a thrid world country before we actually rotate leadership?? Making the rich richer and the poor poorer is not humane...taking away parent because no one can afford not to work...wving a magi wand to drop interest rates so you can endebt (inother words enslave) the public to a bank AND take the house YOUlent them money to buy that that never could afford...IS NOT HUMANE OR AMERICAN! When Bin Laden attacked -at least he HATED US!  What the hell does the GOP have against us while they turn the American Dream into the American Nightmare???? 

The damn forefathers had sense enough to know that no one party should govern for very long THAT IS WHY WE HAVE ELECTIONS EVERY FOUR YEARS!!

As for McCains ads saying that Obama is a recipe for economic disaster..he cant balance the  budget...NO SHIT!! When  GWB took office we had the BIGGEST SURPLUS in the history of this country and now we have a bigger deficit than anyone could have ever imagined.  John McCain't - try looking in anyones bank account besides your own. Read the "Emporer's New Cothes" and acquaint yourself and all your little right winger friends with this little thing known as reality FGS!

Piss off!  Vote for OBAMA!  Dun vote for independents or the greens and NOT voting is not deciding - it's crap - dun be  douche bag - - it really is just advantaging the GOP - lets just make this election about getting the cancer out of the white house and  we can figure out the rest later! TAKE BACK AMERICA!      

Garden Schmarden

So we buy this  house -  move to Ohio and have a yard. When I was a kid we had a yard. We hardly even mowed. The kids in the neighborhood made sure the grass kept its cool with Manhunt and Football.  When we did mow... that's all we did. Mow. No  bag  no  mulch  no fertilizers no weed trimmer thingies. Mulch was for banks. Weekwackers which I still call them - and get looked at for it, were for people who lived at estates and orporate centers. And Frankly I dun remember   any  mad  weed fringes in the yard...I dunno  how that worked!  

Now I just left Donzell's - the lovely garden center / suburban crack dealer in Northeast Ohio. Guys show  up there with last heroin addict on earth looks on their faces and leave like they just had made god brown  dope. 

I  just want the green bushy things in my front yard to not be  brown any more. So I asked this little fella  - he  said how  big is the bush? I said  bigger than you!  Smaller than  me. Still he remined pretty dang polite (midwest you know)

So I leave with an arsenal of damn chemicals I  had no idea I  needed. Shit for the little blueberry bush  we thought would be cool. Shit for the Veggie garden...for the evergreens - who are diagnosed with SPIDER MITES fgs! And the all over  chemical  peel that exfolites the weeds and leaves behind  soft glowing grass...  like a skin peel for the yard. I  do admit that the yard looks a little less than stellar  compared to when we bought and the neighbor  next door. Who is a retired elderly man who has more energy than I have had since I   was 20 and doing  coke on a daily basis. HIS yard looks like a damn carpet. 

You know thinking back we never raked either. I bought a leaf blower when  we first moved in though it seems  terribly dumb t remove the leaves that will feed the  soil .. but everyone else did and I dun wanna be the fag who lets his leaves blow all over  others nicely  "vacuumed" green carpets. But The leaf blower  gets you so  far and then you  get to like the last  quarter of the lawn and your  just blowing shit in circles. Whoosh back over to where the leaves were just removed - whoosh again same deal. It's very   frustrating. You always see the little mexicali boys  at work just  blowing that  crap into  like perfect little - almost square tower formations with  no prob at all. Me  I just turn and turn  until I hog tie my ankles with the extension cord and fall over. 

But I digress - we tell the smaller than my shrub guy that we have planted  3  rose bushes. "OH roses are work!" he says. "What kind?", "are they knock-outs?" he inquires "Well" I say, "they're pretty, but I  dunno if they are quite knock outs!". I have made an idiot of myself STSG (Smaller Thank Shrub Guy) says incredulously..."no..Knockouts are a  name brand." I was tempted to ay "Only God can make a tree" but I  dun think that is even true anymore. I think garden scientistical types have mastered alchemy for real these days..a pinch of this a  squeak of that... NEW LIFE FORM! "Roses are work!"  his  mantra, he said this like 6  times  during our brief conversation.

SO i leave with bug spray for the rose .. different fertilizers for the pine things shrubs that   though  brown are larger than the garden guy, spider mite smelly crap, the lawn  spray, different feed for the vegetables and one fertilizer for I dun remember what any more. Oh and the litle tidbit that I will need to  dig up  my  elephant ear bulbs to winterize them. O.o. Can I not just plant shit and it grows? It has rained every damn day  since Easter here!   what  more do these  little  green bastards want from me????  

My damn cats don't require this much attention. One  food   treats water daily  done. WHAT  do the plants in the woods do without Donzell's ans STSG?? 4fuxsake!

I went from planting some  morning  glories in a cement box in Philadelphia t to trying tt grow cucumbers tomatoes corn (which didn't even comeup) peppers (every variety known to man), some  damn melons I  duno whatkind,  PAW PAW trees (whatever the hell they are)  a strawberry  bush, A thing called a tomato tree that I stepped on and the mowing guy ran over and now is  dead, blueberries...which we just placed a  net over...presumably to keep it from uprooting and running away, aastas galore! Tiger lillies and a dead cherry tree. 

I  miss city life. 

Dear Corporate America

Coupla' things, 

Corporate Art - the  paint blobs festooned throughout your buildings - do not inspire or calm. They fug.

Single ply toilet tissue in the potty - does not save you money - we just use 102 times as much - oh and the little tricky tight fit of the roll - so the paper tears....it makes us fuck up your bathrooms

Boss people...the SURE FIRE LICKITY SPLIT ways to undermine all your authority:

• lie
• nag
• treat us  differently than you  like to be treated
• talk to us like we are idiots
• insincerity (we can tell...TOTALLY)
• that involuntary blinking that seems to manifest when you have been in the job so long that you know you no longer know anything about how to do it
• performance improvement agreements - just fucking fire someone
• lie
• promises you cannot or never intended to keep
• lie
• double standards
• talking out the side of your damn neck! If you don't know what this is, find out. If you have to find out...you probably do it and you need to stop
• meetings FUCK OFF WITH THE MEETINGS! I mean over use of meetings -  just take us in a room and tell us what your meeting quota is as directed from corporate. Then tell us  you are not really  going to have them and you would appreciate our backing that up on any surveys - questionnaires..etc. Your little lie pact will enamour us to you as will the lack of the gaddammit meets for fuck's sake ENOUGH!  I got work to do 

We know you know we are slaves and you are the master -  but we are totally on to you and  you  better regroup

Notes to Specific Corporations: 

• Dear Oil corps, Look up! That is the future! Don't you have children? 
• Dear Walmart, I hate you and your  stores make me dizzy  - I  dunno why  .. maybe it's just the thought of being there but I think it has something to do with the height of your ceilings and shelves and weird lighting. Or it could just be an allergic reaction when someone drags me into one of your stores. Oh and the really old receipt checker does not warm my heart at seeing him/her being productive. It makes me sad. Free Grandpa...he needs to retire like his daddy before him ASSHOLES!
• Dear Target, I love you in many ways..but enough with the red. Onsite Starbucks RIGHT ON!
• Dear retail in general, The warm temperatures in your businesses and the music - does NOT slow me down to thoughtfully consider spending more money. It makes me leave.
• Dear Fast Food chains -  you are slow torturous murderers. Anyone who has stock in you should go to jail for premeditated mass murder. Except Arby's. Because I love them  Poppers and the berry sauce and I can tell what your shit is made of by looking at it (mostly)
• Dear Internet service suppliers, Fuck off
• Dear Cable, dish, digital and magical whatever style television service providers, Fuck off twice and explode. 
• Dear phone service providers, remember when we were all told that the  privatization of the phone company would make for competition and better pricing. You lied...Ass fuck off 7 times and explode. 
• Dear pharmaceutical companies, Mr Johnson, Ms Proctor, Herr Gamble and all you other nazi fuckers...please put whatever sleep aid YOU use . that allows you to sleep on the market and fuck off and explode 5 times

One other general thing, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop making being broke some catchy little advertising gimmick. We are  broke because of your greed. Fuck off and be fucked.