Corporate Art - the paint blobs festooned throughout your buildings - do not inspire or calm. They fug.
Single ply toilet tissue in the potty - does not save you money - we just use 102 times as much - oh and the little tricky tight fit of the roll - so the paper tears....it makes us fuck up your bathrooms
Boss people...the SURE FIRE LICKITY SPLIT ways to undermine all your authority:
- treat us differently than you like to be treated
- talk to us like we are idiots
- insincerity (we can tell...TOTALLY)
- that involuntary blinking that seems to manifest when you have been in the job so long that you know you no longer know anything about how to do it
- performance improvement agreements - just fucking fire someone
- promises you cannot or never intended to keep
- double standards
- talking out the side of your damn neck! If you don't know what this is, find out. If you have to find out...you probably do it and you need to stop
- meetings FUCK OFF WITH THE MEETINGS! I mean over use of meetings - just take us in a room and tell us what your meeting quota is as directed from corporate. Then tell us you are not really going to have them and you would appreciate our backing that up on any surveys - questionnaires..etc. Your little lie pact will enamour us to you as will the lack of the gaddammit meets for fuck's sake ENOUGH! I got work to do
We know you know we are slaves and you are the master - but we are totally on to you and you better regroup
Notes to Specific Corporations:
- Dear Oil corps, Look up! That is the future! Don't you have children?
- Dear Walmart, I hate you and your stores make me dizzy - I dunno why .. maybe it's just the thought of being there but I think it has something to do with the height of your ceilings and shelves and weird lighting. Or it could just be an allergic reaction when someone drags me into one of your stores. Oh and the really old receipt checker does not warm my heart at seeing him/her being productive. It makes me sad. Free Grandpa...he needs to retire like his daddy before him ASSHOLES!
- Dear Target, I love you in many ways..but enough with the red. Onsite Starbucks RIGHT ON!
- Dear retail in general, The warm temperatures in your businesses and the music - does NOT slow me down to thoughtfully consider spending more money. It makes me leave.
- Dear Fast Food chains - you are slow torturous murderers. Anyone who has stock in you should go to jail for premeditated mass murder. Except Arby's. Because I love them Poppers and the berry sauce and I can tell what your shit is made of by looking at it (mostly)
- Dear Internet service suppliers, Fuck off
- Dear Cable, dish, digital and magical whatever style television service providers, Fuck off twice and explode.
- Dear phone service providers, remember when we were all told that the privatization of the phone company would make for competition and better pricing. You lied...Ass fuck off 7 times and explode.
- Dear pharmaceutical companies, Mr Johnson, Ms Proctor, Herr Gamble and all you other nazi fuckers...please put whatever sleep aid YOU use . that allows you to sleep on the market and fuck off and explode 5 times
One other general thing, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop making being broke some catchy little advertising gimmick. We are broke because of your greed. Fuck off and be fucked.